Thursday, October 11, 2012

Why wasn't there a 2spooky post this week?

I'm sorry. I'm lazy, I thought several times about doing it, but didn't feel motivated or inspired to do it. Yeah, yeah, fuck you you lazy ass and so on. I'll try harder next week.

Wednesday, October 3, 2012

2spooky4u October: Elder Scrolls Double Feature



'sup Russian fans and people who followed that link some random troll posted on someone's Youtube video! I'm back, after a long not so long hiatus, during which time I'm sure you prayed that I was gone for good eagerly awaited my return. 

Now, let's face it. We all love being scared shitless and being reduced to sniveling children by frightening movies, books, and games. Well, maybe that's just me, but I'm sure we all enjoy a good scare. That's why, for the next few weeks, I'll be posting a double-feature of FEAR for you all. That's right: vidya-related creepypasta

That's right, Quill Zendrigo is here to make you see dark, horrible things in all of your favorite games, posting LIVE from here in downtown Manhattan...well, maybe not that last part. But you probably won't look at some of these games the same way twice...probably. Not. Um...2SPOOKY.

Now, this is a double feature. Every week, I'll post two of these creepypastas (creepy stories that get reposted across the internet, if you didn't know) - one of them will be an old favorite, while one of them will be an original that I'll pen up myself. It'll probably be utterly horrendous thoroughly enjoyable. 

Today's pastas will both be about the Elder Scrolls games, particularly pertaining to modding. The first will be about an infamous Morrowind mod, the second about an Oblivion mod I myself have had experience with. Both of these stories are 500% true and factual. Don't question it. They are. 

So, yeah, without further ado...h-here we g-go!


Morrowind: jvk1166z.esp:

Some people might recall some momentary buzz caused a couple of years ago by a particularly odd Morrowind mod. The file name was jvk1166z.esp. It was never posted on any of the larger Elder Scrolls communities, usually just smaller boards and role-playing groups. I know in a few cases rather than being posted, it was sent via PM or email to a 'chosen few.' It was only up for a few days, to the best of my knowledge.
It caused a buzz because it was a virus, or seemed to be. If you tried to load the game with the mod active, it would hang at the initial load screen for a full hour and then crash to the desktop. If you let it get that far, your install of Morrowind, along with any save files you had, would become completely corrupted. Nobody could figure out what the mod was trying to do, since it couldn't be opened in the Construction Set. Eventually, warnings were distributed not to use it if you found it, and things died down.
About a year later, in a mod board I used to frequent, someone popped up with the mod again. He said he was PMed by a lurker who deleted his account immediately after sending. He also said that the person advised him to try playing the mod through DOSbox. For some reason, this worked... sort of. The game was a bit laggy, and you couldn't get into Options, Load Game, the console, or really anything else, other than the game itself. The QuickSave and QuickLoad hotbuttons worked, but that was it. And the QuickSave file seemed to be just part of the game file, so you couldn't get at it anymore. Some speculated that the changed game used an older graphics renderer, making DOSbox necessary, but it didn't LOOK any different.
This part I can speak about from personal experience. When you start a new game in JVK (as the board came to call it), once you left the starting bit in the Census Office and came into the game proper, the first thing you notice is that the 'prophecy has been severed' box pops up. This is because every single NPC having to do with the main quest is dead, with the sole exception of Yagrum Bagarn, the last of the Dwemer. Their corpses never despawn, so you can go check on all of them. In effect, you begin in a world that is doomed to start with.
The second thing you notice is that you're losing health. It's only a bit, but it keeps happening, a little bit at a time. The longer you stay in one place, the quicker it seems to occur. If you let this health loss kill you, you'll find the cause: a figure we came to call the Assassin, because he seems to wear a retextured version of the Dark Brotherhood armor from Tribunal, even though the expansions don't work in JVK. It's all black, completely untextured, like he's just a hole in space. The way he moves... he gave me quite a start, the first time I saw him scuttling around my dead body. He crawls inhumanly on his hands and feet, his arms and legs splayed out like a spider. You'd usually only see him after death, crawling around and over your body just before the reload box popped up. Occasionally, you could catch a glimpse of him darting around a corner or crawling on a wall or ceiling. It made the game very difficult to play at night!
Other than that, the only noticeable difference is that at night, at random intervals, every NPC in the game will go outside for a few minutes. During this time, the only thing they will say when hailed is, "Watch the sky." Once they return to their normal behavior they act like normal, though.
After a while, a player on the board discovered a new NPC named Tieras, a male Dunmer in the temple at Ghostgate. Two things are notable about this NPC: first is his robe, a unique article of clothing that was lovingly rendered with twinkling stars all across it, looking like a torn-off chunk of the night sky. The second is that all of his dialogue, in addition to showing up in the dialogue box, is voiced. You can skip it if you wish, but it all sounds like it's in the default male Dunmer voice. Some people said that they thought the voice was "slightly" different, but it was a very, very good imitation.
I won't go into the details, but the questline he sends you on has to do with a dungeon referred to simply as 'The Citadel.' Up until this point, the quests were all of a fairly generic 'discover the secrets of the ancients' bent. The entrance to this dungeon is on a small island far to the west of Morrowind proper. I eventually discovered that if you used a Scroll of Icarian Flight at the westernmost point on the main landmass and jump directly west, you'd end up almost exactly at the island.
Even though the dungeon is called The Citadel, it goes straight down. It dwarfs any other dungeon, both in size and difficulty. From a natural cave area you'll proceed down into an ancestral tomb looking area, then a Daedric ruin area, and then a Dwemer ruin area. I made it down to the Dwemer Ruins before I quit. The creatures here were strong enough that a level 20 character would have to take care, and since you can't use the console in JVK, level 20 took a while to get to. Since QuickSave and QuickLoad are your only options, it's all too easy to get yourself into an impossible situation too. I did, and I just didn't have the energy to start over.
Now what I'm telling you is based on what those few who went further reported. Past the Dwemer Ruins you find yourself in a level like the Dwemer Ruins, but darker. Rather than the usual bronze, all the surfaces, including those of the creatures, are black. The sounds of machinery are loud here, and grow louder still, randomly. There's also steam or fog everywhere, limiting your vision to about ten in-game feet or so. If you can make it through all this, you will reach a hall that those who found it called it the Portrait Room.
Like the fire in torches or other effects from early 3D games, this room has picture frames that always face directly at you, no matter how you look at them. The images in the frames were always randomly chosen images from your My Pictures folder. On the board, the ones who got there had some fun posting screenshots of the Portrait Room with various pictures in the frames (Usually porn, of course).
At the end of the hall was a locked door. After admitting defeat and returning to Tieras, everyone just found him saying, "Watch the sky," in his gravelly voice. What's more, nobody else in the game would say ANYTHING. There was just a completely blank dialogue box with no options at all. They wouldn't even rattle off the usual canned audible greetings. The only exception was at night; whenever they'd go out for a few minutes, they'd still repeat it. "Watch the sky." At this point, one of the players - a friend of mine from the board - noticed (and the few others who got this far agreed) that the night sky was no longer the usual night sky of Tamriel; it had changed to a depiction of a real night sky. And it moved.
From this point on, everything is based on what this one person reported. Eventually, he got himself kicked from the board, but I kept in contact with him for as long as he responded. According to him, based on the constellations and planets, the sky started around February 2005. If you died, loaded, or went back into the Citadel, it would start over. When the usual day sky graphics took over, the movement would be suspended until the stars appeared again. In the space of a single night, everything would move about two months worth. Since the timescale of JVK was more or less that of the standard game, that meant that a bit less than an hour was equal to a 24-hour period.
He became convinced that the door would open based on some kind of celestial event. Of course, waiting for that meant leaving the game running. Of course, THAT meant that the game couldn't be left unattended, thanks to our old friend, the Assassin. My friend decided he'd hang out for a whole day, just to see if anything happened. That would be about a year's worth of movement. Here's the post he made at the end of this experiment:
"I loaded in Seyda neen, where it all starts. It wasn't too bad, just had to check in now and then to move around and heal to make sure I wasn't dying. But check it out! 24 hours exactly in, and the Assassin learned a new trick! HE SCREAMS!!!! I was reading and all of a sudden, this crazy loud shriek just about makes me crap myself. It's like something out of a horror movie! I look up, and there he is, just crouched down right in front of me. Of course, the second I moved my character, he ran off. When I went back down to the Portrait Room, the door was still locked. Damn it, damn it, damn it!"
A bit later, he came to the decision that he needed to wait three days - three years. The PM advising us to try DOSbox showed up in February of 2008 was his reasoning, anyway.
"After the first shriek, the Assassin stops hitting you out of nowhere. Now he'll shriek, and if you don't move for a few seconds after that he hits you. I think whoever made the mod was trying to help. At night, I've got my headphones on and I was just kind of dozing off...when he wakes me up with a shriek; I jiggle the mouse, and I'm good!"
That post was two days in, from his laptop. Once it was over...
"FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK! FUUUUUUUUUCK! So FUCKING done. So, I wait, the three days, right, and right after the FUCKING Assassin made me jiggle the mouse, he shrieks again. So, I look, and everyone in town is outside. They're all saying, "Watch the sky." I don't see anything, though. But then the game starts getting dark... like REALLY dark. I turn up the brightness all the way on my monitor, and I can still barely see. I can see other people in the game, little figures running around in the distance, just running back and forth. If I try to get close, they run off. Now, I was trying to sleep, so the lights are off, and this is kind of creepy. I don't want to get up to turn on my light because I don't want to miss anything, but NOTHING fucking happens. Eventually I go back to The Citadel... it's still dark, and I gotta swim, and the whole time I can see all these guys swimming all around me, just barely there. I make it to the Citadel, and its normal light inside, and I get worried. Sure enough, the Portrait Door is STILL FUCKING CLOSED. I go outside and it's ALL STARTING OVER. So that's it. I'm fucking going to bed, and I'm fucking done. The end."
After that, two things happen. First, another of the people who got to the Portrait Room claimed that the Assassin was showing up in his regular Morrowind game. (Quick explanation. If you reinstalled Morrowind to a different folder, you could have a normal Morrowind install along with JVK.) He himself chalked it up to an overactive imagination at first, but he reported a couple of really big scares with the black figure crawling right at him, or seeing it waiting for him just around a corner before scuttling off. Another of those who reached the Portrait Room started a regular Morrowind game, but never saw him for sure; it was just a couple of 'maybes', late at night, and always at a distance.
The second is that my friend started getting really abusive and short-tempered on the board, though he stopped talking about JVK entirely. It got so bad that he was soon kicked off. I didn't hear anything from him for a couple of weeks after that, so I sent him an email. This was part of his reply:
"I know I shouldn't, but with classes out I've got some time, so I started JVK up again. It's almost 2011... and I think I've got the sleep madness! But stuff is happening! It's still dark... once it gets dark, it never gets any lighter. It stays like that. The people moved a few months ago... everyone in Seyda neen just went to that little bandit cave and moved in. They killed the bandits inside, and now they're just standing around inside. They don't say anything anymore; they don't do anything when you click on them. I quicksaved and killed one, and he just stood there until he died without fighting back!
And it's like that everywhere. You have to walk, since the quick travel people are all in caves now, too, but all the cities and towns are just deserted; all the people are in caves and tombs. Everyone in Vivec is down in the sewers. I'm going to Ghostgate next... I want to see if Tieras is still there. I'll tell you what he says when I get there!"
I replied and said I wanted to see what he said too, and waited a day. When I didn't get a reply, I mailed him again, and a couple of hours later he sent back:
"Sorry, I totally forgot. So it's 2014 now... since it's always night, the stars are always moving. The whole screen is dark, but you can still see the brightest stars moving around. Tieras was gone... everyone in Ghostgate was gone. I don't know where they went. They're not in any of the nearby caves. But there's new stuff... people still don't say anything, but their eyes are bleeding. it's so dark that even with a light spell you have to get right up against them to see, but there they are, little dark streaks coming down from their eyes. I think I gotta be getting close. I know this is stupid, and there's no way the pay off is going to be worth it, but I just want to be able to say I stuck it out!"
I got that one during the day. Later that night, I got a follow-up email:
"Some of the planets aren't moving right. It's pissing me off... if this keeps up, I won't be able to keep track anymore. It's almost 2015 now, I think. Fuck. You know, I just now noticed that there aren't any monsters anymore, either. I'm completely alone outside now. The main quest people's' bodies are still lying around, though. I went to check on them.
I don't need headphones anymore, so I just leave them off. When he shrieks, it's like he's screaming right into my ear. I think I even kind of anticipate it. He's around a lot more now, a lot closer. He's different from the other people who started showing up, remember? They keep running around, just where I can barely see them. I have to admit, it's kind of creepy at night. Sometimes, when I go to the bathroom or whatever, I swear I can see something out of the corner of my eye. I'm keeping all the lights on now."
I sent him a letter, jokingly telling him to get some real sleep, and left it at that. Two mornings later, I found this in my email. It was the last thing I got from him. After this, he stopped responding completely:
"I just got up from a fucked up dream, I think. The Assassin shrieked at me, and when I opened my eyes, he was right there, crouching over me. His arms and legs were longer, more like a spider's. I tried to push him away, but when I touched him my hands just went inside and I couldn't get them loose again, like he was made of tar or something.
Then I woke up, I thought. he was gone, but when I looked at the monitor I wasn't where I was. I was in the Corprusarium, with Yagrum. For once, the light was okay, and I could see him all bloated on those mechanical spider legs. I sat down at the computer and he started talking to me. Not in a box, but really talking to me, in Tieras' voice. He knew things about me. He told me things that I never told anyone, some things I totally forgot about. He told me that almost nobody had made it this far, and that the door would open up soon. I just had to hang on a little while longer. He said I'd know when it was time. He said I might be the first one to see what was inside.
And then I woke up for real, but I was at the computer. I still wasn't where I was. I'm swimming out to The Citadel Island. And I can hear this tapping. It's at my window. It's over on the left, so I'm sending you this, because I left my laptop by my bed, to the right. Just a little *taptaptaptap*... like he's knocking his finger against the glass. I might still be dreaming now.
So, I guess that's the end of the story. I know there's a few other stories floating around about the mod, but this is the only I know as true, as far as it goes. I deleted my JVK copy of the game pretty much right after I gave up, but I'd like to get the mod again, if anyone still has a copy of the file. I'd like to see some of this for myself.

Welp. Guess who isn't sleeping tonight? It sure as fuck isn't me. Anyway...

Let's continue. We'll now go to my tale of desperation and terror at the hands of a certain Oblivion mod, which will probably pale in comparison to jvk1166z.esp in much the same way that Oblivion pales in comparison to Morrowind. Oh well. 


Oblivion: 2sp00k3y.esm

Modding. There has always been a dark side to modding. Sure, you can get all kinds of horrifying sex mods, but those are just something you get used to. A feature, if you will. But no, I'm talking about really horrifying mods. Mods hidden in the dark corners of the internet, just waiting for someone to stumble upon them by accident.

There are indeed some mods man was never meant to download. 

Last summer, I was spending a lot of time trawling the web trying to find some certain mods. I had seen screenshots floating around of a mod that allowed one to wear armor from the MMO Final Fantasy XI. Everyone knows about getting mods from the Oblivion Nexus, moddb, and Planet TES, there are a lot of other sites people don't know about, typically seedy sites in languages other than english (Japanese and Russian sites seem to be in particularly high quantity). It was on one of these sites that I hoped to find this mod. 
About a week into my search, I stumbled upon a strange page on some obscure forum, with only a single post. It was in some language I couldn't read - it might have been German, I think - and was very short, only providing a download link for a file hosted on mediafire. I downloaded it because, in the one screenshot provided, you could clearly see the character dressed up as a red mage. 
The files were stored on a .exe, for some reason. Modders often do this with big mods with multiple files so that players don't have to do it manually. I ran the .exe, and, after it was done, was surprised to find that, when I opened the game launcher and checked my load order, that the mod had deleted all of my other mods and, not only that, but also replaced the Oblivion.esm file with a single other file: 

2sp00k3y.esm. 

For those who don't know, mods come in two varieties: .esms and .esps. They stand for Elder Scrolls Master file and Elder Scrolls Plugin file, respectively. A master file is a standalone file (such as the main game) that plugin files are dependent upon. 
I thought the name was a joke, poking fun of people who use numbers instead of letters. Maybe the mod had just renamed my Oblivion.esm for fun, too. I started the game up, too find myself considerably peeved.
The motherfucking mod had deleted my save files. 
They were gone. I didn't know where. I searched my computer, checked the recycling bin, used a recovery program, but still couldn't find them. I considered deleting this shitty little mod and doing a clean install of the game, but decided against it. I wanted to at least see what this mod had to offer. 
When you start the game up, it skips the panning over the bay outside of the Imperial City with Patrick Stewart's voice-over. You don't start in prison, either, in fact, it appears that the modder who made 2sp00k3y integrated "Alternate Start: Arrive by Ship" or whatever it was called into it without permission, allowing the player to arrive by ship, much like the beginning of Morrowind. I chose to start in Anvil, since it's always been my favorite city in Oblivion. 
Right from the beginning, something was off. Well, more accurately, absolutely nothing was off, and when I say that, I mean that there was nothing wrong. No one seemed to be having any problems whatsoever, and as a result, there were no quests. It was quite bizarre. The main quest doesn't even start (in the alternate start mod, the PC has a dream prompting them to seek out the Amulet of Kings to begin the main questline), and when I visited the imperial city (interestingly, fast traveling was disabled, making this a bit of a chore), the Emperor/Patrick Stewart was still alive in the Imperial Palace place. 
Nothing was hostile to the player. Animals wouldn't attack you, and bandits would let you run around their hideouts taking whatever you wanted. There were no undead or daedra present. All you could do was wander around, slowly boosting your level through non-combat activities. It was very strange. I ignored it at first, however, trying to find the FFXI armor that I had seen in the screenshot. 
Things started to get stranger, though, because not long after that, I noticed that the giant rats that populate many dungeons were gone. I had seen some earlier in the game, so I couldn't figure out why there wouldn't be any around now. It was all quite bizarre. Other animals - wolves, bears, and soon even mudcrabs - began to disappear as well. Soon, there were no animals at all. 
After the animals disappeared, a thick fog covered the land. Sources of unnatural light outside of torches being carried by people disappeared, and nights and dungeons became pitch black. It was extremely creepy - when you were wandering around, at any time, you'd hear running footsteps and whispering from just out of sight, hidden in the fog or the shadows. It was particularly unnerving at night or in dungeons. 
The mod had added another unexpected thing - a survival aspect, where you would need to eat and drink or else suffer increasingly large stat debuffs and even death. It was easy enough - food and water could be found anywhere, basically. It was just a bit of a chore, at first. 
The next horrifying twist came a while later. I returned to Anvil, to see if the rats in the crazy dark elf woman's basement were still there, and if not, how she was reacting to their absence. I went into her basement and, sure enough, no rats. However, when I went to talk to her, she was nowhere to be found. I waited, figuring that she might be out on a daily routine like many other NPCs in the game, but, after waiting for several days, still didn't see her. Worried, I started to look around, and sure enough, other NPCs had disappeared too. 
Over the next few in game weeks, more and more NPCs disappeared without a trace. I went to Skingrad, to find the duke and half his court vanished, without a trace. Soon after, I discovered all of Bravil was gone. More towns suffered the same fate, their population dwindling to zero. I began to notice that, after an entire town's population vanished, all of the doors in the down would become locked without any ability to pick the locks or find a key. Trying to use the command console to unlock it would result in the game crashing. 
One of the last people to disappear was the emperor. After I discovered that Anvil had become deserted as well, I made my way back to the Imperial City, where I followed the emperor everywhere. I had to see if I could stop him from disappearing, or at least find out what was causing it or where he was going. 
I followed him around for a few in game days, and I must say, I would have preferred to watch paint dry. Oblivion's NPCs are horrifically dull, especially to watch. I was sort of lulled into a false sense of security, which is when disaster struck. 
On the fourth day of my watch, I was in one of the rooms in the Imperial Palace with the emperor. I hadn't taken my eyes off of him for days, afraid that if anything happened, I would miss it. I was highly bored, hoping that something would happen already, when there was a loud clunk behind me. 
I had been standing in front of a bookcase. Oblivion's finicky physics engine always has a poor time dealing with books on a bookshelf, and as a result, they often fall off for no apparent reason. The noise made me panic, and I turned, only to see the books having fallen off the shelf. When I turned around again, the emperor was gone. 
I panicked. To the best of my knowledge, there was not a single named NPC (generic NPCs like guards were still wandering around) left in the game. I didn't know where they all were, and now I was freaked out. Then it hit me. There was one place I hadn't thought of. 
Kvatch. 
In case you didn't know, in Oblivion, the city of Kvatch is destroyed by the forces of oblivion early in the main quest. In fact, it's a ruin from the very start of the game, if you use a cheat or a mod to bypass the beginning dungeon. However, given that 2sp00k3y had made everything absolutely peaceful and idyllic at the start of the game, I had a sudden hunch that Kvatch might be different somehow. I decided to leave to investigate it. 
As I was leaving the Imperial City, night fell...and that was when the true nightmare began. The fog thickened, so much that I couldn't see more than five feet ahead of my character. Worse, torches didn't work anymore, so I was essentially left blind. There were noises in the night. The footsteps and whispering got louder and louder the more time you spent out in the open, and soon, they were replaced by a loud buzzing noise. You could hear stamping feet, maniacal screams and laughter, crying, sobbing, moaning, shouting...it was horrible. Sometimes I would be attacked by things I couldn't see. They would hit me, perhaps several times, and when I spun around and tried to hit them back, my sword never hit anything. I finally found relief by using my considerable acrobatics skill to jump to the top of a ruined tower, where I guess my attackers couldn't reach me. I had tried to get in, but the doors were locked. The doors to caves and buildings were locked as well, providing virtually nowhere to be safe. 
On the second night, I found that it was better to just hide. I hid in some bushes, not daring to move even when the horrible sounds were so close that it felt like they were in my ears. 
Finally, I made it to Kvatch the following day. It was in pristine condition, in fact, I think the modder used the Kvatch Rebuilt mod without permission. 
All of the NPCs were there. They were living in the church, with half of them going out during the day to tend to crops in the surrounding fields. It was certainly bizarre seeing members of the Dark Brotherhood farming alongside several priests. Things were still off. Whenever you spoke to anyone, they would say in a deep voice (staticky and obviously recorded on a cheap microphone), "Make sure you're indoors before 9:00 PM," 9 PM being when the things came out. They would say the same thing to each other, constantly, and, at about 8:30, would all head back to the church, which, according to a note posted on the wall inside, would be locked soon afterwards. 
On my fourth night in Kvatch, at 8:30, everyone began to file back into the church. However, one NPC got glitched and stuck in some scenery. I stopped, and debated whether or not to help him or if I should just run for it. It was too late, because at that moment, the noises started. I hid behind some rocks, trying to keep watching the NPC, but the fog got too thick and it got too dark as usual. 
When the things showed up, I heard the NPC start to freak out, doing the typical shouting about being attacked, shouting for a guard. The things were making strange electronic noises now, not like their usual ones. It was frightening and bizarre. Eventually, the NPC went quiet, and there was silence. The incredibly thick fog remained, but I couldn't hear anything else. I didn't want to risk anything, though. They might still be out there. 
When the fog partially cleared and the night went away, I risked going over and checking out his body. All there was was a small patch of blood. My skin crawled slightly. They had taken him somewhere. Somewhere else. 
You can't fight them. You can't run from them. You can only hide, and hope they don't notice you...or decide to let you live, for now. They're everywhere. I think some got into the church, because I began to notice some patches of blood, and people missing. I don't know what to do. I'm considering just getting rid of this stupid mod, but I'm not sure I can. I've just gotten too into it. 

Well...it went better than expected. I'll give it that. 

Anyway, tune in next week for more of 2SPOOKY4U OCTOBER. Ahem. 

Friday, September 14, 2012

EA ruins everything they touch...as usual.

Back at E3 2011, there was...a game. A silly looking game, about silly people doing silly things. That game was called Overstrike. The game looked to be an over-the-top, somewhat ironic shooter, made by Insomniac Games, responsible for...look, you know they've made some fine games, and if you don't, you can easily check on Wikipedia with the internet access you're currently using to read this blog. 


Now, in case the presence of John Riccitiello, sounding relatively good for a man kept alive through the ritual sacrifice of newborn infants, didn't tip you off, this game is made by EA. Okay, yeah, that's slightly annoying, but damn this trailer looks fucking awesome!

Then this happened: 


Oh...oh god. What happened. What...where did the color go? Why does it look all HURR GRITTY 'N DARK HURR HURR now? Oh, right, EA is awful. It amazes me the lengths one company can go to to fucking ruin any good idea that is any way related to them. It's baffling. It baffles me that they can actually make so many bad decisions. It's like a vortex that sucks all the joy away until nothing but bitter cynicism and bile can remain. They are a misery machine. Happy, optimistic people go into the hate machine that is EA, and twisted people in the depths of embittered revilement come out. Same with games: original, interesting looking games go in, and then boring, bland, generic, by-the-numbers shooters come out. Fuck you, EA. Fuck. You

You know, I can't begin to imagine what made them feel this was necessary. There was genuine interest in this game after it's reveal at E3 2011. Now you've killed it faster than an erection when one sees John Riccitiello. 

Oh hai there John...wait, why are you looking at me that way...
So, yeah...fuck EA. Again. Not that, you know, actually want to have intercourse with EA. Unless you want to get some kind of new strain of super-aids that kills the video game industry.